Back from Mosaic!
Welcome, new members of Tonic's Free Range Consensual Harem! Words are still forming, and I'm leaving today for another event. But I can't go another day without sharing my appreciation for everything that happened at Mosaic Experiment, my regional home burn.
For a while now, burns have been my testing ground for the big, sexually free part of myself. It's where I've been figuring out how to embody abundant and joyful sexuality. I was told to try radical self-expression, and my sexuality was the first thing I wanted to express. Thus, the idea for "Tonic's Free Range Consensual Harem" began to form.
At first, I thought it would just be a cute gift to give people I was sexual with in some way. But then I decided to make it a big part of this blog site I'm building. A place where I can share sexy selfies and my more vulnerable thoughts in one place.
Sharing for my pleasure. Because I want the attention. I want the affirmation. And it's weird and wrong for me to want that, but I still do. And if I have a harem, they are here for my pleasure, right? So that's part of what makes it okay for me to ask for these things. It helps me feel more safe in sharing.
I ordered 25 dog tags that said "Property of Tonic's Free Range Consensual Harem" and took them with me to the burn. And I decided to give them out to people who had already "earned" their place by being someone who has given me pleasure and support in the past, and to some new people. And my experiment went off better than I could have hoped.
It inspired me to have conversations with people in my life, to let me know how much they mean to me already. And it inspired me to look for the kind of people at the burn who I wanted to have more of in my life. On Friday night, I spent most of the night with some members of the harem. I'd talked about how hard it is for me to receive care. Letting go of control and letting other people look after me is excruciatingly embarrassing and anxiety-producing. So they did what burners do best and made a game out of it. They were excited to take are of me, much to my surprise.
As we walked from camp to camp, I practiced asking my harem for pets when I felt lonely. I let them carry my bag and walk me to the portos so I wouldn't get scared. They got me water and kept me warm. Basically, I got to be a toddler for the night. Wandering to and fro while people around me kept me on track and safe from harm. I laughed so much my cheeks hurt. It was amazing.
The rest of the burn, the people who were in the harem all gave me so much pleasure. Now I have a vision of the harem as a theme camp without a camp. A group of people dispersed through the burn and through the world who are all dedicated to giving and receiving pleasure. And exploring how we can change the world through choosing joy and pleasure. How we can help people learn hard things, like how to let go of control enough to receive care, by being playful?
I don't know where this will go. But something shifted when I made the harem real by giving it out those tags. And I'm excited to see where it goes from here. Welcome to Harem. I love you all.
