For Lent I'm giving up things that take me away from myself.

As a thoroughly lapsed Catholic, I haven't given anything up for Lent in a long time. But I've been feeling a need for a period of retreat and reset. I've changed a lot in the past year, and the world is changing faster. My priorities around my work, my relationships, and myself have shifted, but my coping mechanisms and work patterns haven't. I feel unfocused and drawn in a million directions at once. The events of the world aren't helping. I'm drinking more and playing hours of Stardew Valley each day to try to deaden my anxiety. It's clear that I need a period of retreat and reset. I'm hoping that the muscle memory of giving something up for Lent will give me the boost of self-discipline I need to find it.

So for the next 40 days, I'm giving up things that take me away from myself. Two things that I use to deaden my feelings, alcohol and video games, I'm abstaining from completely. I'm also cutting way down on two things that are sometimes beneficial but take away my focus and self-determination, weed and other people.

No wonder I want to escape into the world of Stardew Valley.

 Giving up alcohol and video games might be hard to do, but it was easy for me to understand why I needed it. They're two things that are hard for me to ignore when I'm anxious, and they take me away from myself. Cannabis was harder to decide on. I thought about cutting it out completely, but I suspected that cutting weed and video games out completely at the same time was setting myself up for failure. And cannabis use is sometimes extremely helpful to help me ground and get back into my body and out of my head.

I'm already deprioritizing romance, which has been the focus of my life for a long time. But I'm still not sure how much energy to give my social relationships overall. While they can take away my focus and make it hard for me to find my own needs, they also feed me and help me grow. 

So instead of cutting those two aspects of my life out completely, I'm going to use them with intention. Sprinkling them into my life for flavor instead of making a meal of them. For the next 40 days, I'd like you to think of me as on vacation in an area with spotty Wi-Fi. I'll be around digitally, at least to some degree, but don't count on seeing me in person much. 

Instead, I'm going to spend the next 40 days contemplating self-intoxication. I'm going to work on my business, make art, write, and spend time alone. I know I'm going to need to find other ways to release my emotional energy. That's going to be an exciting thing to explore. Dancing, meditating, solo hiking, maybe even some cold plunges. These are all things I've been wanting to explore, yet I've consistently neglected finding the time. I'm hoping that, without as many things to fill my calendar and cloud my mind, I will find more of myself in return. 

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. Your willingness to be a witness to my growth keeps me accountable. Your support helps me take risks. I'm excited to start the next phase of Tonic for Life Somatic Coaching and my creative output here at Sin & Tonic. I'm already working on new events, audio messages, and a Discord server for my subscribers. So for the next 40 days, if you want to find me, check your email. I'll be waiting for you!